A NEW BEGINNING

        I didn't want to repeat the last year's birthday post, but it has been a similar year to the previous one.: I still am cynical about my life and its future...

          Only difference is, this time around, i have completed My engineering degree, havesuccessfully belled the C.A.T once... (but then untied the bell.. :D), struggled around with the engineering Project, got into a job (but have been waiting for the joining date), and co-incidentally, i would be joining on the very same day as my 23rd birthday... :P

         Come 24th October, my life takes a turn for sure.. but not necessarily in the right direction. Then I will enter a field totally alien to me.Till now for me computers were only for the entertainment part of it and never before i have even tried to write programs (except for the exam early in the engineering course, where i felt i was held under point blank to write them). So i can't write programs to save my life and come next week i will start making a living by doing the same... I again don't know if i have made the right choice or not. The last Week left before i can say I am officially a 23 year old ass... This last week is the time to reflect upon the past year

          This year has been strange in many ways than one... First was the super good news of clearing CAT, then it was clearing placements, but later i was told i was not supposed to take up interviews for any other companies from college. This was the first major set back.. then came the Final semester engineering Project which was a total disaster(I still don't know what was the project about and how it worked).. And when i was relived that i had completed engineering, the insanely boring 5 months idle time before i join the company... I know people would say this is the only time we get to enjoy and we have to make the best of it... But to me, 5 months is helluva long time (even to enjoy)...

           But, these 5 months of my life has been a life changing one for more reasons than one..Firstly memories in megapixels happened (I had never thought that i would go beyond 5 photos), I hope it continues. Then, I was able to make some very very good friends whom i never thought i would talk to, But i'd never regret doing so... next it gave me the time to think about myself at last. I have had enough of compromises, enough of fear for what people would think and say. Time to change all that. I think i have figured out the right way to live(Better late than never :D)... but only time would tell how successful I am.  

So, entering a totally new life in a week's time, completing 22 years of my life and Hopefully will make a New Beginning...
Advance Wishes... HAPPY 23rd BIRTHDAY to me :)

An excerpt from the Diary.. A letter

A rainy evening, by the window sill, sipping a cup of hot freshly brewed coffee, I sit, enjoy the smell of the rains and the coffee and I feel relaxed...  

 I feel I’m more relaxed than before. It has been a week after u said goodbye to me, you stopped talking to me, and you said you had other priorities in life while you were the only priority in my life. I never thought I would be so free after all this. It has changed me as a person; it has made me stronger, and u have helped me learn some of the most important life lessons in life. 

But sometimes when I think of the relationship we had in the past one year, I felt nothing was wrong then, I felt my life was the most happiest, I had someone to care for me; I knew the feeling of love, care. Then it was just you, me and nothing else.  I felt you were the best person born on this earth and we were destined to meet. You changed my life altogether... I was to the face while talking before I met you, but that changed, when I knew that you laughed at my silly jokes just because I was sensitive and didn’t want to hurt me. I never believed in myself before, but the pep talks you gave me, or the shoulder you lend me when I’m down have made me a confident person now.  When I held your hand when we walked, I just wanted to tell that I would be there with you always...

And again when I think of it now, you never shared anything with me, when you were down. I never had an opportunity to show that I cared for you. I always felt it was one way traffic. I never got to know about your hidden feelings. And I never asked you why. But it was shocking to know that you never trusted me. Isn’t trust the basic foundation of any relationship?

When you didn’t want to tell about us with our friends, it was the hardest thing to maintain that we were just friends with them. When they got to know the fact, it killed the trust they had in me but I didn’t mind because you were still with me. But what is wrong if others come to know about it?? Falling in Love with a friend is not a crime. Or is it? 

Lately, you had a say in every decision of mine, but the funny thing was I never featured in the decisions I had to take. It always happened the way you wanted it. But even then I didn’t mind, coz a relationship is where you respect others decisions.  But did you respect mine?? 

And finally a week back, when you said you had other priorities in life and weren’t ready for a relationship, I was shocked... I didn’t know what to do for days. I thought this was the end, my life had no meaning..

Slowly I realised, Life is an amazing equalizer... I was the happiest person sometime ago, but it all has to come to an end, and when you feel that that all the happiness has been lost...

This morning, when I received a message saying, “let’s get back together”, I switched off my mobile, grabbed a cup of coffee, enjoying the evening rains sat by the Window sill, I felt relaxed...  

                                                                                                                                       

YOU

Recently i came across an essay written by one of my cousins for an essay competition.. It was about Who is he as a person., it was about the importance to know oneself from the inside to break the barriers and achieve something...The same thing was even written by one of my friend in her blog.

I have never had this thought or an opportunity to know myself better mainly because i have never had time for myself..

I love being alone, but that doesn't mean that I am with myself. When i'm alone, my thoughts escape from me and it makes me difficult to think about myself.. Once i planned to do, i found that Knowing myself was the toughest thing ever possible... I had no means to achieve it. I planned to ask my immediate relatives and friends to tell me what i'm, but that would only lead to them giving opinions about me. The only person who could know me well was myself but it was hard to get the thought process running that way...

Still i do not know how to go about it.. But what i got to know is that, the advantage of knowing oneself is immense. All barriers can be broken as we know what we can achieve., It helps us in improving as a human being, to know our weakness and limitations, to utilize our strengths, to live for the moment and not plan for the future which in turn helps us in enjoying the living more rather than planning for when dead..

So take time, know about yourself, because you will never find a better and a unique person that the person inside YOU

13/7/2011

Driving the car, the Radio playing then the Rj says 3 bomb blasts in Mumbai. I guess i would have been shocked at the incident but now i was shocked at my reaction on receiving it. I was Calm, there were no alarm bells ringing. Was this such a casual incident now??
when i start to think, I really think i saw it coming, not that i'm in touch with RAW or i got intelligence report.. but because,
Once there is a terrorist attack, we do all hara kiri. We update status messages swearing on the terrorists, We blame the government for not acting, but are we doing anything else other than this??
I know its true that the government are eunuchs sitting there, i know the terrorists are Mother fucking bastards. But aren't we the one who are supposed to take the blame??
All we do is make movies against terrorism (Yes! i was inspired by Mumbai meri jaan and Wednesday) but did we learn anything from them?? All we did was come out and vote the same money and Authority hungry assholes...
I'm really cynical bout the future of this country. Can't we see that they are playing Diwali in a different city every year!!
Will we ever learn ??? I don't know!!!
Nothing has changed Except the date... it was 26/11 then, its 13/7 now... I hear its Ajmal Kasab's birthday today... Happy birthday boy... don't worry You are safe here....

The Ritual..

Another post about Engineering from VTU... and as I have earlier said, i can go on and on about them... :P
Waiting for the results for one last time in engineering, I get to see a ritual again and again...

Waiting for results under Vtu is an experience to be had, Esp. if your an Engineering student from Bangalore. The adrenalin level reaches its peak, the anxiety is unbearable and the amount of patience a student has to have is just immense..

Here goes the actual procedure...
1. U will get to know the results are announced.. but when u check it out only Gulburga Region results would have been announced... :P

2. Next day again when the results are awaited, promptly Belgaum region results will be announced..

3.This is again followed by the Mysore region results the very next day...

4. Then, when the students are sure that the Bangalore region results are to be followed and are eagerly awaiting, there comes a line in the website saying the Bangalore region results will be announced the next day...

And When students take a breath and try to get some sleep, the results would have come out at 2 or 3 in the morning... this news spreads so rapidly( i don't know how) but in around 30 minutes, the entire Bangalore region would be again in front of the computer, and exactly at this moment, the fragile VTU website breaks down...

I guess V.T.U was designed to torment students' life...

Anyway waiting for the final time for the results, at least this time i hope they give out the results without many shocks... :)

Engineering

Its been a week after i finished the very last exam in Engineering. When i stepped out of the lab after giving my project Viva, the first feeling that struck my mind was i had completed one of the most (actually when i think of it, i can find no adjectives to define it) Courses. It was freedom from all the bullshit i had seen for 4 years. It was a feeling of satisfaction, joy, ecstasy, a feeling almost orgasmic!
Not to forget the fact that, i now could add two important letters in front of my name...
"ANANTHRAM N S B.E., "

But what made engineering a course that everyone who took it, desperately wanted to get out???
When i Finished my P.U.C, i had no other option but to take up Engineering, and was pretty excited about entering a professional course. But, may be due to the college i choose or the university under which I studied or the course itself, there was nothing professional about it from the first day to the last!!
V.T.U is one THE MOST hated universities among engineers. Its the way they run the administration, or the Examination papers they set or the evaluation, There is always a blunder waiting to happen. (Not to forget the revaluation). And finally the student suffers in each and every instance.
Not to take away anything from our great college (S.C.E), its the most fucked up institution. I've seen students from other colleges say the same about their college, Every college is bad in the eyes of students, but our college just personifies the experience.
I can present a research paper on how screwed up a college can get using this college as an example.

But as people say, we can take out positives from every failure. These four years has made me stronger mentally. I can face a shock of any magnitude calmly. It has made me smarter, by making me think of smarter ways to deceive the evaluator while answering. It mas made me realize my potential. and obviously, the Sane friends and the insane memories attached is always a positive..

P.S: There is a common joke among the Engineers.
Engineering in VTU is like a public toilet. People outside are desperate to get in where as the people inside are dying to come out.. :P

ME & MEGAPIXELS

A normal boy growing in the lanes of any city in India, his first and foremost hobby is playing Cricket! Even with me its the same. Cricket runs in every vein and artery of my body. But then cricket is not everything. In search of other pass-times, started reading books, then came writing, and finally photography.
All started with a camera phone i had some 4 years back. Sony ericsson K790i. Till today i feel its an SLR in disguise. Clicking photos with that, my perspective towards everything changed or the way i looked at things was different. Suddenly (as they would say in cinemas), the world around me looked better. there were a lot of things i had never even noticed came into my view. With photography i wanted to capture and store what my eyes could see and appreciate.

Now i use The Canon EOS 1000D. But the basic objective remained same! to capture what my eyes could appreciate
so in order to share the same, i start a blog exclusively for my photos: MEMORIES IN MEGAPIXELS

City i've lived, loved...

Its Summer, and obviously with it there are talks of the Heat, and the irritation to give company.
I've seen many people getting bugged over it, but over the years that i've lived in this wonderful place called Bangalore(No! Bengaluru), i've started enjoying the heat.
One reason being, i believe this city has a mind of its own!! The weather here is Fantastic. Even during summer, when the mercury level raises, u can be assured of rainy days ahead.
The better part about the rain in Bangalore is its not so heavy that it causes floods and people are washed away, and not so light that its there one moment and disappear the next. Its steady drizzle. just enough to wet our souls but not us, just enough to create the air of freshness from the scorching heat. just enough to freshen the spirits and not dampen it..

And the best part of it.. I don't know how many have noticed it or it may have gone un-noticed, the BUILD UP to the rain is just as amazing as the rain itself.First the light breeze picks up and quickens.The clouds start to build up and then there is the calm!! no breeze no sound.. its almost scary and finally it starts to pour!!! Every single time its an awesome experience to have.
I've heard people speaking about the best cities in India.. but for me its always and will always be this beautiful, blessed, divine city of BENGALURU
Enjoying the first rains in 2011 !!!

Poke,Like Comment,PING!!!

It was this recent talk with a cousin i gotto know bout the deadly disorder called F.A.D. and i was even more shocked to realize that i had all the symptoms of having contracted it. But as people would say when all is not well with a lot of other people, we tend to relax and bask in the company of those with us. And this is a disorder that thousands of people all over the world are experencing.

The disorder i am talking about is "Facebook ADDICTION Disorder". :P

Even though the thought behind it is fictional and is done for the humour i was so disappointed to notice that how facebook has changed the pattern of relationships in the recent past. For that matter why just blame facebook, there are a whole lot of networking sites available for people to get addicted to, just that FB is a popular one.

For me, at first it was fun Poking friends and friends poking back to u, and scribbling on walls and uploading photos, but then as time went on, it replaced the mode of communication, the real time calling was a thing of the past and i enjoyed chatting online and scribbling on walls. but all this does turn boring one or the other day and that day i was left with neither of the two modes... Was bored of FB and lost touch of many people. This i realised when one of my very close confidant was no longer comfortable talking real time.
By this post i don't say that social networking is an evil, but just that too much use of it shouldn't bring a lifestyle change in people.

P.S:
Symptoms include:
1. logging in and logging out every 5 mins
2. FB becoming the sole pass time.
3. updating status and waiting for comments and likes.
4. checking for notifications every 2 mins

U experience any of this, then beware! You are on the verge of being one among the many thousands who land up having this disorder