A Year Lost in Transition

There have been lots of days in this year where i have sat down, thought about lots of things from my career to my travel fantasies to my life after MBA to my photography as to where it is heading. The year got lost somewhere in between all this. Its already 10 days into the last month of the year and i wake up now and Check where was i lost. There are absolutely 1000s of reasons for which i can hate and have to forget this year. It was 300 days of rubbish and cribbing. The rest 45 days till now have kept me moving.

It has been more than a year i have posted a photo on my photo blog. I don't want to kill it... I sit and shed tears whenever i see that, but other than that i haven't done anything productive to kick start it again. It was a thing that kept me motivated and moving at one point and now i have been so busy searching my life that i have lost most of the valuable moments in life. Now I have broken my Camera. The most priced possession i had and all i have now is a pile of rubble (Exaggerating).

I loved to write and i did so somewhere or the other either in one of my earlier blogs or in a diary. The last time i picked up the dairy was to crib about something and the blog has been a perfect partner for my birthday posts. It all started when i saw everyone bliogging. I thought it was cool. I started. It helped me a lot and now again i lost it somewhere in transition.

I also loved traveling. I want to travel all my life's savings. But I haven't made any attempt in that direction.

Seeing all this, I feel Disgusted about myself. I feel like a wannabe. This is probably because there are too many souls now a days who are suddenly in love with photography and who want to travel. I fear that people might think i am another amateur.

This year has personified the feeling a lot more. I have done a lot of things in this year, but when i look back at it, its all blur and blank. I see nothing substantial.

If at all there was a book of my life, 2014 would be 300 pages of blank sheets. Nothing written or something illegible scribbled.

I have made enough resolutions, I have moved on from the fact that i have to make resolutions to achieve something.

2014 GET LOST..

An excerpt from the Diary.. A letter

A rainy evening, by the window sill, sipping a cup of hot freshly brewed coffee, I sit, enjoy the smell of the rains and the coffee and I feel relaxed...  

 I feel I’m more relaxed than before. It has been a week after u said goodbye to me, you stopped talking to me, and you said you had other priorities in life while you were the only priority in my life. I never thought I would be so free after all this. It has changed me as a person; it has made me stronger, and u have helped me learn some of the most important life lessons in life. 

But sometimes when I think of the relationship we had in the past one year, I felt nothing was wrong then, I felt my life was the most happiest, I had someone to care for me; I knew the feeling of love, care. Then it was just you, me and nothing else.  I felt you were the best person born on this earth and we were destined to meet. You changed my life altogether... I was to the face while talking before I met you, but that changed, when I knew that you laughed at my silly jokes just because I was sensitive and didn’t want to hurt me. I never believed in myself before, but the pep talks you gave me, or the shoulder you lend me when I’m down have made me a confident person now.  When I held your hand when we walked, I just wanted to tell that I would be there with you always...

And again when I think of it now, you never shared anything with me, when you were down. I never had an opportunity to show that I cared for you. I always felt it was one way traffic. I never got to know about your hidden feelings. And I never asked you why. But it was shocking to know that you never trusted me. Isn’t trust the basic foundation of any relationship?

When you didn’t want to tell about us with our friends, it was the hardest thing to maintain that we were just friends with them. When they got to know the fact, it killed the trust they had in me but I didn’t mind because you were still with me. But what is wrong if others come to know about it?? Falling in Love with a friend is not a crime. Or is it? 

Lately, you had a say in every decision of mine, but the funny thing was I never featured in the decisions I had to take. It always happened the way you wanted it. But even then I didn’t mind, coz a relationship is where you respect others decisions.  But did you respect mine?? 

And finally a week back, when you said you had other priorities in life and weren’t ready for a relationship, I was shocked... I didn’t know what to do for days. I thought this was the end, my life had no meaning..

Slowly I realised, Life is an amazing equalizer... I was the happiest person sometime ago, but it all has to come to an end, and when you feel that that all the happiness has been lost...

This morning, when I received a message saying, “let’s get back together”, I switched off my mobile, grabbed a cup of coffee, enjoying the evening rains sat by the Window sill, I felt relaxed...