MBA CHRONICLES: My gift to Me!!!

Two years ago, around the same time of the year, sitting on the bed losing sleep over a lot of things was wondering where would it all end up. The coffee was getting cold. The coffee was namesake, I was wide awake looking at my entrance exam results. I couldn't believe my eyes as i checked them a thousand times to check if it was really true. It was my Visa to go back to college.

Random thoughts ran through my mind. Very cynical about the way things would shape up when the University gates would reopen for me again. There were a lot of decisions to be made. Some of them so important that one person had to wait for another 3 years for her marriage. Some of them so difficult that i would lose the source that would fill my bank account every month for the next two years. Over and above all of this I was more fidgety about the way I would gel into the crowd. majority of the students would be children who had just finished graduation.
Things at my office made my decisions simpler. I was a hellhole and I wanted to get out of it at all cost. There were some easy ways though: I could jump to another job, but i wasn't sure that the things would change much. There were hordes of people advising me on what to do. Some said switching jobs was the best idea. Some asked me to continue in the technical field. Being an engineer, these were almost logical. But thoughts in my brains were stuck to Management education.
I chose CHRIST UNIVERSITY to be my Alma Mater.

The interviews and the group discussions were a breeze and the day before I joined Christ, I heard a lot of stories about the same. Some said Its "Gods' own Country" 's branch office. Some said they were so strict that cops sometime mistook it to be the JAIL. This proved right the first day i entered the place. I was completely out of place. my fellow students talked a language i couldn't even try to listen to. I was told I was put into "I" section again in the same Malayalam Accent. The same kind of panic ran through my body the first day i went to kinder Gar ten. I was all but comfortable. But it was the day I was reborn. I could rewrite a lot of things that went wrong previously. It was a rare opportunity and I had no plans to ruin it. ( There had been a lot of things that had gone wrong in my graduation. I was just another Brick in the wall. I was a part of a herd and hardly seen. I wasn't even Unpopular leave alone being popular. I was Invisible. I completed my graduation no one even knew i was a part of the course. I wanted to change that & CHRIST gave me that opportunity. )

Now, Last month to go for the course to end, as I stand by the University gates, there is a sense of familiarity. The jitters are replaced with a sense of calmness whenever I enter the place. This was the place which made me re look, re write and re-engineer my career. It brought out qualities in me that i never knew of. I survived the two years, and survived quite well. and now as i leave, a sense of heaviness pulls me back.

Thank you CUIM... for Giving My SELF back to Me!!!

A Year Lost in Transition

There have been lots of days in this year where i have sat down, thought about lots of things from my career to my travel fantasies to my life after MBA to my photography as to where it is heading. The year got lost somewhere in between all this. Its already 10 days into the last month of the year and i wake up now and Check where was i lost. There are absolutely 1000s of reasons for which i can hate and have to forget this year. It was 300 days of rubbish and cribbing. The rest 45 days till now have kept me moving.

It has been more than a year i have posted a photo on my photo blog. I don't want to kill it... I sit and shed tears whenever i see that, but other than that i haven't done anything productive to kick start it again. It was a thing that kept me motivated and moving at one point and now i have been so busy searching my life that i have lost most of the valuable moments in life. Now I have broken my Camera. The most priced possession i had and all i have now is a pile of rubble (Exaggerating).

I loved to write and i did so somewhere or the other either in one of my earlier blogs or in a diary. The last time i picked up the dairy was to crib about something and the blog has been a perfect partner for my birthday posts. It all started when i saw everyone bliogging. I thought it was cool. I started. It helped me a lot and now again i lost it somewhere in transition.

I also loved traveling. I want to travel all my life's savings. But I haven't made any attempt in that direction.

Seeing all this, I feel Disgusted about myself. I feel like a wannabe. This is probably because there are too many souls now a days who are suddenly in love with photography and who want to travel. I fear that people might think i am another amateur.

This year has personified the feeling a lot more. I have done a lot of things in this year, but when i look back at it, its all blur and blank. I see nothing substantial.

If at all there was a book of my life, 2014 would be 300 pages of blank sheets. Nothing written or something illegible scribbled.

I have made enough resolutions, I have moved on from the fact that i have to make resolutions to achieve something.

2014 GET LOST..

Twenty Five..

This is the fourth year in a row I have been dutifully writing birthday posts and I start exactly at the same time. Its around 11:30 at night when everyone else is asleep and you wait for the clock to strike twelve so that you can say you are officially an year old now.

So Its been 25 years and now i can put down my cribs as my Quarter Life Crisis.

This is the time I take a recap of the year that has passed. 2014 has not been the greatest year. Not that a lot has gone bad but nothing has been outstanding. College has been monotonous and same. Only now there is some excitement planned. My life has taken a turn for good. I am pretty sure the next and the coming years are going to be different and good. (Details later). As I had no much expectations of the year, it lived up to it and was bland (barring a few mind boggling instances)

The most saddest part of the year was in the last month when I broke my camera. It has been a priced possession and i sank that day like never before. I am still kicking myself for it. Hard times for the photographer in me. :(

New year!! New Hopes! New Desires!!! Hope everything goes very well and things in my mind take a rest for good.

Happy 25th to me!!!

I have planned to close down this blog and start writing on Tumblr (if you are really interested:  http://www.memoriesandmegapixels.tumblr.com/)

When Cupid Strikes...

Sitting in a bus by the window, stuck in a jam, frustrated with the Bangalore traffic, swearing i plug in my phone for some music.. Light breeze picks up and the clouds gather. The weather turns Romantic. My phone as though in cue plays a lovely romantic song. i calm down, open the window as lovely cool breeze hits my face. I drift off into a dream.....

The first time i met you, i patiently waited for you. But without even seeing, i had fallen for you, for your voice,for the care, your attitude, the love you showered, everything. And  Seeing you that day made sure that the feelings i had for you made a permanent residence in me.
It was as if GOD had customized you to my requirements..
The grace in your walk, the silky hair that bounced up and down every time you took a step, life was all in slow motion for a split second...your eyes coal black, wandering here and there as if searching for someone , your lips trembling,the nose puckering, the eyelids batting. nothing else mattered for me at that moment. I had decided that you would be the love of my life. My soul-mate i was searching for.
And when you finally saw me, i saw the happiness in your eyes, which i had never seen in anybody. Your little hands shivering from fear, the words flowed hesitantly. Even then the voice felt as if the vocal cords were dipped in a sea of honey.
I never was able to speak properly then as i was lost admiring the Almighty's creation.
how could somebody be so beautiful, so very perfect, so sweet?

And what better way could the journey have started, having an ice cream in Corner house. It was Bliss as i had my 2 loves together. A Death by chocolate, and you sharing it with me.
It was just a week later I proposed my love . From then on life was a joy to live. Every new day had more life in it, and it was a joy to live it and spend it with you.
I relive every date we were on, the fights we had for every small issue, the movie we went, the endless calls, all the lovely texts, the gifts exchanged, those endless walks we had, those insane conversations, those bike rides, the first hug, the first kiss... and now i know why people say Time flies when you are having a great time.. 

It has been exactly 3 years since then and now. I'm sure that i will experience the same feeling i had the first day we met and every single time i saw you from then on...  the same grace, the same trembling lips, same searching eyes, the same batting eyelids and the same honey coated voice to greet me.

I look up to the heavens, one hi-five to god for sending me one of the angels.

                                                                                -to be continued....

An excerpt from the Diary.. A letter

A rainy evening, by the window sill, sipping a cup of hot freshly brewed coffee, I sit, enjoy the smell of the rains and the coffee and I feel relaxed...  

 I feel I’m more relaxed than before. It has been a week after u said goodbye to me, you stopped talking to me, and you said you had other priorities in life while you were the only priority in my life. I never thought I would be so free after all this. It has changed me as a person; it has made me stronger, and u have helped me learn some of the most important life lessons in life. 

But sometimes when I think of the relationship we had in the past one year, I felt nothing was wrong then, I felt my life was the most happiest, I had someone to care for me; I knew the feeling of love, care. Then it was just you, me and nothing else.  I felt you were the best person born on this earth and we were destined to meet. You changed my life altogether... I was to the face while talking before I met you, but that changed, when I knew that you laughed at my silly jokes just because I was sensitive and didn’t want to hurt me. I never believed in myself before, but the pep talks you gave me, or the shoulder you lend me when I’m down have made me a confident person now.  When I held your hand when we walked, I just wanted to tell that I would be there with you always...

And again when I think of it now, you never shared anything with me, when you were down. I never had an opportunity to show that I cared for you. I always felt it was one way traffic. I never got to know about your hidden feelings. And I never asked you why. But it was shocking to know that you never trusted me. Isn’t trust the basic foundation of any relationship?

When you didn’t want to tell about us with our friends, it was the hardest thing to maintain that we were just friends with them. When they got to know the fact, it killed the trust they had in me but I didn’t mind because you were still with me. But what is wrong if others come to know about it?? Falling in Love with a friend is not a crime. Or is it? 

Lately, you had a say in every decision of mine, but the funny thing was I never featured in the decisions I had to take. It always happened the way you wanted it. But even then I didn’t mind, coz a relationship is where you respect others decisions.  But did you respect mine?? 

And finally a week back, when you said you had other priorities in life and weren’t ready for a relationship, I was shocked... I didn’t know what to do for days. I thought this was the end, my life had no meaning..

Slowly I realised, Life is an amazing equalizer... I was the happiest person sometime ago, but it all has to come to an end, and when you feel that that all the happiness has been lost...

This morning, when I received a message saying, “let’s get back together”, I switched off my mobile, grabbed a cup of coffee, enjoying the evening rains sat by the Window sill, I felt relaxed...